mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize