No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
