Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
