So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
