Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I could fuck to npr.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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