I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
