i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
