mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
