I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
