Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I AM VODKA MAN
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
