i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
