She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
