I'm going to jail i love you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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