I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
