Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize