On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
