I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she peed on how many people?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
