he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
