yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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