Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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