I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
