is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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