I am spending my child support on dildos
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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