guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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