He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
