when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
