It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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