there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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