I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
