After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
