margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
