My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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