Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
