She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Houston, we have a blender
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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