you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
