I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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