yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
