we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
