This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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