I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
