Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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