take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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