I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
