i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
