She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Green mimosas i think yes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
