He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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