I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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