i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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