It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
