Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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