Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
