Define "chronic" masturbator.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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