Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
