You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
