Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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