I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
