ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
