the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i permit you to call me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
