So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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