How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
