hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
