I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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