Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
