Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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