I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
