I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
