I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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