I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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