I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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