Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize