My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
