I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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