Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
