problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize