the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
