so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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