How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
