Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
