My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize