then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
