By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
