the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
