he puts the penis in happiness.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
