Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize