I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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