i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
