I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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