I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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