You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
