Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
