i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
