Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
