none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize