I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize