he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
