he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
