Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
