ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
