we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
