I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
