non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
